30 Kisses
by Red Sashimi
Summary: GaRob  30 short stories about 30 kisses
1. Look Over Here

**Look over here**

Sometimes, he would just do as if he wasn't there, in front of him. Oh, yes. He didn't know exactly why he did that. But that really upset him. Yes, when it happened, he just wanted to... he just wanted... He didn't know what he wanted to do. But that was something approaching either "slap him in the face" or "kick him in the nuts". Or even "tackle him against a wall and kiss him until both of them can't breathe any more". But that was out of question, and it embarrassed him a lot anyway.

What nobody knew was, that every time he deigned to glance at him, he just melted. He melted, and he felt stronger at the same time. And when he wasn't by his side, he felt like a lost puppy, or something in that way. He just needed him to feel alive. He needed him to feel complete. Because, without him, he just felt he was nothing.

So, when he ignored him, it just destroyed him.

He sighed as he looked at him, far away from everyone. Drinking his usual coffee. Smoking his usual cigarette. Look at me. Look over here. Just glance at me. Because when you do as I didn't exist, it hurts so bad. But you'll never know, do you.

So he told himself, if he didn't look at him in the next seconds, he hated him. And if he glanced at him... Then, it meant that he actually liked him. He held his breath for a few second, staring at him.

And then, he lifted his head as he breathed out some smoke. And he actually looked at him for a long time, nearly stared at him. Maybe he was just wondering he was staring at him like that. Maybe he was just wondering why his smile suddenly became so wide. Maybe he was wondering why he got up, and coming over him.

Gareth walked towards Rob, and rubbed gently his hand on his neck. Rob shivered lightly. But he shivered more heavily when Gareth kissed him quickly, but tenderly, on his cheek. And then, he just went away. Rob turned back to him, with a puzzled, and slightly amused, face.

- That was the gayest thing you ever did to me!

Gareth turned round, with that same wide smile he had.

- I know right.

And then, he just went away. Leaving him alone with himself.

- What was that...


	2. Letters

**Letter**

A while ago, Gareth found a mysterious letter in his mail box. There was nothing on the envelop but some words saying "Don't ask. Just read.". He didn't recognize the handwriting, though, it seemed awfully familiar to him. But as written on the envelop, he didn't ask, and just read. When he opened the letter, he hoped that it would have been handwritten as well, but it wasn't. He was a bit disappointed, but well, he was too curious on what that was about.

When he finished reading, he was just stunned. He had already got a few love letters in the past, but that one was particularly lovely and well-written. It could be creepy for some people, but Gareth felt like that this mysterious writer knew him since the very beginning. Maybe it was really a creepy stalker, but it was so sweet, he couldn't be mad.

But he really wanted to find out who it was.

Everyday, he waited casually for these letters. Did I say casually? Actually, he wanted to appear casual and relaxed, but in reality he was nervous and impatient. Everyday, he would rush to his mail box, just to see if one of those letters was waiting for him. And almost everyday, he received these gentle letters, telling him how handsome he was, how nice he was, how sweet he was, how perfect he was. The writer of the letters would sometimes ask himself "Why can't I tell you all these words in front of you?". Gareth also wondered why.

He craved to meet him, to answer him in some way. But he never knew how.

Though, once, he got that letter, saying the more he wrote these letters, the more he felt better, the more he felt happier. "But I feel like a coward, because I'm hiding behind those anonymous letters. I know you. I know how you are, who you are. But you don't know anything about me. I'm even surprised that you still didn't freaked out or something. Because, sincerely, I would have already locked myself in my bedroom. You know, I'm thinking of stopping writing you those creepy letters. I've already thought of that a few weeks ago, but I couldn't bring myself to stop. Now, it became like some sort of drug to me. Or, I feel like I'm writing to some sort of diary. A very twisted diary centred on only one person. You. So, maybe... This is the very last letter I'll ever write to you. Maybe I'll never write to you again, and I'll disappear. And you'll forget me, somehow. Don't recall me. I think you'd been better without me and my disturbing letters. I'm sorry."

Gareth felt so angry, but so disappointed and so sad. Why the hell would the writer ever stop writing to him? When he cherished so much every single words... And then he started to realise, he really didn't know anything about the writer. He didn't even know if the writer was a woman, or a man. He never mentioned it. But he didn't care the less, at this point.

So, the next few days, he hoped that the writer didn't suddenly decide to stop writing. But it seemed that the writer really decided to not write to him any more.

He waited for the letters. Everyday. But he got nothing.

When days became weeks, Gareth had almost lost hope. He would re-read the older letters. From the very first one, to the last one. And his eyes would even become teary. And he would feel miserable, because, somehow, he kind of fell in love with that mysterious writer.

And when weeks almost became months, Gareth found a letter in his mail box. He was so happy he almost cried in the middle of the hallway.

"So, I failed at not writing to you again. But you looked just so devastated... Yes, you actually know me too. But you still haven't guessed who I was? I don't know if it's on purpose, but I think it's quite obvious, who I am. Have you at least ever wondered who was writing all those love-sweating letters? Though, you don't look too worried about who it could be. I wish you could guess who's this. That way, I wouldn't have to tell you.

But I can't hide any more. I hope you'll understand.

I'm in your phone contacts. I might even be the last one who sent you a text. Just check your phone. I'm closer than you think, Gareth."

Gareth stood still for a moment. It really was one of his friends.

He quickly took his mobile out of his pocket and searched through his contacts. He frowned. It was ridiculous. "I might even be the last one who sent you a text."

Ridiculous.

Not really sure, he checked the last text he got. And everything around him stopped moving.

Rob.

Gareth shook his head. Yeah, this was really starting to be ridiculous. Rob just couldn't be the writer. He couldn't... It just wasn't in his way of being to send love letters. And why would he send them to him? Gareth just couldn't see why in the world he would send him secret love letters. Alright, it was clear as crystal. All these letters couldn't be lies, or even an awful joke. They were fucking serious. And they were beautiful. Gareth could have cried.

He fell on the floor, with the letter in a hand, and his mobile in the other hand. It was unreal.

And then, he received a text. Slowly, he checked it. It was from Rob.

"I suppose that you have now checked your mail box... If not, then I look perfectly dumb. Believe or not. Take it or not. It's now all written down."

Gareth just laughed. He was so stupid. How could he have not noticed anything?

* * *

><p>Later that day, Gareth walked casually to Rob's house. Arrived in front of his door, he ringed and waited. The door opened on an anxious Rob, and Gareth smiled at him. Rob wanted to speak up, but he stopped him, and looked at him right in his dark eyes. Gareth embraced him tightly, but tenderly. Rob couldn't move nor talk. So, Gareth just whispered some words in his ear. And Rob closed his eyes. He took his face between his hands and removed his hat.<p>

They smiled as they kissed.


	3. Jolt!

**Jolt!**

It was just a single kiss, wasn't it? It couldn't hurt anybody, right?

I guess I was wrong anyway.

I didn't know why I did it, that day. I really don't. Maybe I watched too much romantic films. You know, where the two of them fall for each other after a stupid kiss. I'm so stupid. We're not in a stupid film. And I should stop abusing the word stupid anyway. But really, it was so stupid. I couldn't think of the consequences. (Except for that falling hard in love thing)

That day, I just thought it was the occasion. The right moment. How in the hell I was supposed to know that someone was going to surprise us? That day, I got hit twice. Once from the one I kissed lovingly. And one from myself, after realizing how impulsive and stupid I was.

Now, it could have gone smoothly. Like, everyone forget what they saw and did. And voilà. Smooth. Easy. But, of course, the rumours started to spread like black plague. You know what it's like in school. High school. And high school, it's fucking jungle. Especially when you go to one of those boarding school, full of dudes. Maybe it's because of that. I don't get to see girls that often, and, well, maybe it was just sexual frustration and hormones and shit like that. I don't know.

How it began? Well. Just like any other love story, I guess.

All I can remember is, it was a very sunny day. Very sunny. So sunny my eyes almost hurt just staring at the clouds, actually. And there was that maths test the next day, and I was just getting lazy, so I kind of went out and hanged around. No one wanted to hang around with me, because they were over-stressed by that test, and well, I just took a walk alone. It was boring, and I intended to go back to my room and study... Until my eyes finally met him.

He was hiding from the sun, under one of those trees, and he was casually smoking, even though it was forbidden. But who cared? I did it too. But he looked just... just... Well I can't find any word to describe him. But what struck me first was his very pale skin. And his growing goatee. Yes. I had a thing for facial hairs and myself I'm growing a beard. Anyway.

I couldn't bring myself to meet and greet him. I was too intimidated by him. He was so handsome and... so cool. I suddenly felt so tiny in front of him. So I just ran away, went back to my room, had a heavy wank, and thought of him for the rest of the day. And had really bad results for the maths test, but anyway.

From that day, he just stayed in my head. He was so comfortable there, I couldn't get him out. Not a second was spent without thinking of him. And I didn't even know his name. So, without seeming it, I fetched informations about him here and there. So I finally knew his name was Rob Swire, he was the same year as I, he lived somewhere in South Africa or Zimbabwe before he hit Australia, he had a sister named Briony, and he did some music.

Then, I started to think, well fuck, I'm really obsessed with that guy. Was I in love or something? I couldn't doubt of it. Even if I wasn't really gay, you know. I didn't really think about my sexuality or anything. I liked girls, but never really looked at boys. And the more I thought about it, the less I minded it. I mean, well yes, he's a boy, so what? Feelings are still feelings. If you don't like girls, then fine. If you don't like boys, then fine too. If you like them both, well, I guess your life won't be that boring.

So I started preparing myself to go and talk to him. Like, hey, how are you doing, I'm Gareth by the way, what's your name? But that would be really awkward. You just don't walk to someone and talk to them, without them thinking, damn, is he trying to hit on me? So I kind of fell in despair. Good God, I'd never be able to talk to him. Ever.  
>But I got my chance.<p>

I came across him again. Same place, same tree. Smoking casually, hiding from the sun. So I thought, it's now, or never, Gareth. You really need to go now.

So I walked quickly towards him. I already had my excuse. I smoked too. It won't be awkward if I asked him for a cigarette, won't it?

I stepped in front of him, and he just kind of looked up at me, wondering what the hell I wanted. And I was petrified. Though, I wanted to appear all natural and casual. Like the normal me. But there came the awkward silence, and he had to break it.

- What d'you want?

And I just went :

- Can I borrow you a fag? It would be really nice.

And he just looked weirdly at me. Like I was some sort of freak. But well, at least I broke the ice.

- You're lucky, it's my last one.

- Oh sorry. I'll get you one as soon as possible.

He just nodded, mumbling "yeah, yeah". or something. Damn he was a moody person. Not knowing what to do, I just sat by his side. He didn't seem upset by my presence. I said, he didn't seem. I'm sure he was really fucking upset by my presence, and he just wanted me to fuck off. But well, I thought I'd just stick around a little bit. Just to get to know each other.

- What's you name? I saw you hang around here a lot.

- Rob. Yours?

- I'm Gareth.

He wasn't a great conversationalist, so I talk and asked the most of questions and he just answered, muttered, mumbled and nodded. A lot.

It could be the worst conversation ever for the most of the people, but frankly, I had the best minutes ever. Because the longer it went, the less he seemed annoyed to see me. We could often meet and hang around that tree. Sharing each others cigarettes and news. And I was happy. Really. I didn't know how he felt about it, but I was really happy. Just talking to him, knowing how he was doing, how much he wanted to get out of this school, how he hated every single jerk hitting on his sister, how bored he was, how unsure he was about his future life, and so on. We were doing really well that way.

But as you know... Then came the kiss. Yes that famous kiss.

It was a relatively normal day. I was just doing a little bit of over-thinking. Fantasizing about him. How it would feel to kiss his lips. And so much more embarrassing stuff.

I just kissed him, and someone just walked in. Rob rejected me by punching me right in the face and yelling at me. Walking away. Then threatened that unfortunate person that if he opened his motherfucking mouth about it, he would chase him to beat him up until the end of the year.

Looks like it did not scared him enough.

The rumours just started to spread about me and Rob. Of course, almost everyone was afraid of Rob. Because yes, he can be pretty scary when he wants to. So he didn't really have to cope with anything but some eventual mocking. But I... Well, I'm not the violent kind. So I took all the bullying.

Almost everyday I was beaten up and called by dirty names. But I didn't care about that. All I cared about was the broken friendship I had with Rob. I wasn't blind. I could never be forgiven. I even doubt that he would ever look at me again. And that's what really killed me.

Did I bleed? Well fuck. Did I have bruises all over my body and face? Well fuck. Did the bruises hurt every time I moved? Well fuck. It didn't fucking matter. I didn't give a fuck about it.

But one day, at sunset, after being beaten up by some random douches, Rob showed up. And I was all, fuck, this time it was pretty heavy, I couldn't even get up. I think I even spit blood, but well. He was standing there, looking at him with these very sorry eyes. And I just looked back at him, trying to be as strong as possible. But I was literally on the floor. And it hurt so much.

He didn't say anything, and gave me a hand. So I could at least sit against a wall. And he just sat, by my side. He sighed.

- Gareth, why don't you just punch them back? he asked. I took a moment, just to catch my breath, before answering him.

- I don't know. I don't like fist fight.

And he just laughed, quietly. Amused, and sorry for me.

- For Christ's sake, you can't go on like that.

- I can. Look at me.

- Yeah yeah, you can handle it so well you'll end up in the hospital bed by the end of the week.

- I really can.

- Man the fuck up, Gareth.

So I thought a little bit. He wanted me to man up, yeah? Well.

- Alright then.

He looked at me, a little bit puzzled.

- I love you, Rob.

He just stopped breathing for a few seconds. Then looked quite embarrassed... or confused? I couldn't tell. He didn't know what to say. And I think I wasn't helping. I think I was staring at him, like, very deadly. You know, that kind of uncomfortable and very awkward staring. eventually, Rob sighed loudly, scratching the back of his head.

- You just can't love an other man, if you're also a man... What the hell is your definition of man-ing up?

There, I was really disappointed. But I was also very angry against him. I don't know, I never felt angry about Rob in any case. It was the very first time he managed to get me angry against him.

- Why the fuck a man couldn't be able to love another man, Rob? Then explain me why a man loves a girl? Why a girl loves a man?

- I don't know, it's just what it is-

- No, it's just wrong! For fuck's sake, love is not about being a boy or a girl. Love is about fucking feelings. Do you even know what's a feeling, Rob? Do you even know how it feels to love someone?

- You're taking it a little bit too fa-...

- My whole being is burning from the inside every time I get to see you. You can't imagine how I felt every single time I talked to you! God, I'm so stupid! Why did I even fall in love with a cunt like you! Oh yeah, of course, I've forgotten that you just cannot control fucking feelings and shit.

- Gareth...

- Shut up, just let me go now.

I tried to get up, but at that very moment, I'd totally forgotten that I just got beaten up, and my stomach hurt like hell. I fell back on my ass, trying to not grunt from pain. Too proud, I didn't turn my head to Rob. He put a hand on my shoulder, forcing me to turn my face to him, with his other hand. I tried to fight back, but he held my face too strongly. So I lowered my eyes. And he just took an handkerchief from his pocket, and started to clean my bloody bruises, somehow.

- I thought we could just forget all of this. If you weren't so stubborn and all... You know, if you just fought back these bullies, I thought I could get a girlfriend. Well, I mean. It's something I promised myself actually... If you got over it, and got a girlfriend, I could leave that story behind and start dating some girls. I don't know if you get what I mean...

Actually, I didn't really get what he meant, but I still nodded slowly, silently.

- Jesus Christ, all that blood on your face...

I remained silent. He didn't stop cleaning my face.

- So you say I don't know what is love? Well, maybe I don't know what is love, then. But I'll tell you what I feel, anyway. The first time you came, and stood in front of me, I couldn't believe you were there for me. I thought there was someone else hiding behind me or what. But I saw you were looking at me. And I was so glad, so happy. Jesus Christ, Gareth McGrillen actually know about me!

He laughed lightly. It was one of his rare laugh. It wasn't bitter, sarcastic, nor mean. It actually sounded really nice. Though, a little bit sad. I looked up at him.

- Yeah, I actually knew your name before you even came and talked to me... Kind of psycho, isn't it? But, you know, I just really wanted to know more about you, and I couldn't bring myself to talk to you.

- Tell me how you're feeling, Rob. I smiled, my heart becoming suddenly really light. He glanced at me, so embarrassed and shy.

- It feels so nice to be around you. You know, when I'm alone with a cigarette, I feel really cold and bitter. But when you're by my side... It changes everything. Every heart beats of mine feel really warm. And it actually has a reason to beat.

I could have cried. Was he confessing love to me? Every words he said were so beautiful.

- In my opinion, I think this is love, Rob.

- Is it? Oh well, I finally got to know what was love. he smiled gently, finishing cleaning my face from blood. And we looked at each other, a little bit awkwardly, but I liked that moment so much. I stroked his cheek, with the back of my hand, then let it slide into his hair. At the time, they were getting quite long. But not too long, though. He lowered his eyes.

- Shall we kiss now? I asked, jokingly.

- Don't ask for it, you're just ruining it.

- Fine. Then kiss me, and I'll stop asking for it. I laughed.

He sighed with that smile, and came closer, as his lips stroked mine again. More tenderly and gently than last time. It was very shy, but sweet.

Afterwards, I can't really recall what happened... I don't know why. I think he took me home, and helped me with all those bruises and shit... All I can remember is his sweet words, his tender glances, and gentle gesture. I felt so good and nice. Him, taking care of me. Finally.

Oh, and he told me loved me.


End file.
